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Rent Boy – Chapter 6

Written By: Sex Writer - Sep• 13•11
This entry is part 6 of 8 in the series Rent Boy

Chapter 6

The room was still in darkness as Gordon gazed down on the two sleeping boys. He could see them, entwined together under the covers. Billy’s head rested on top of Josh’s. Gordon could see that Josh was sleeping with his head on Billy’s chest and that he had his arm draped over the gently heaving chest. He stood there, thinking of what it must be like for Josh to be so much in love, and for Billy, who obviously had more to him than Gordon had ever given him credit for. Well, that would change, this was a new day for him, a new life really.

He could feel a tear in the corner of his eyes and they misted over as he thought about it all. How anxious he was when Billy hadn’t returned on time. How he had made light of it while his own heart waspounding in his chest so as not to worry Josh. Surely he couldn’t be falling under a love spell? Not at his age, it didn’t happen did it?

Here he was, in his late 60’s all ready, and just what did he have to show for it? He didn’t really have anyone who would shed many tears if he passed away today, did he now? That was sad, sure he had money and generally most of the people around him, if not all, only were around for the favors he doled out. What an epitaph that was, ‘He gave us parties and trinkets if we were good.’ Shit, that wasn’t good, but now, well now maybe he had another chance.

His gaze continued to reflect not just on the sleeping young men, but on what they had brought into his life in such a short time. For the first time in decades, he actually felt like he was really alive. He wanted to share their special joy, he wanted to know what it was like to pass those deep messages between hearts. For the first time he felt his loneliness, but somehow, standing in this doorway, it just didn’t seem to be all that empty, all that lonely.

Thoughts of how he had willingly ignored the things that made up a person went through his mind. How he had never tried to delve into a person’s life, or what they felt or needed or even what their hopes had been. Even with Billy there, he never asked him what he really wanted out of life. Not once, while they sat and watched television or listened to music, did he even try to find out what Billy thought about the events of the day. Whenever subjects came uplike that, he ignored it, or passed it off.

Funny, he used to enjoy the debates he had in school and college with his classmates and teachers about all sorts of things, but in his adult life, he shied away from the intimacy such debates brought. Maybe he was scared, but why? What had he to lose, really, that maybe people wouldn’t like him? Could be, but then, did those who surrounded him now like him or like his parties and his money? Did he really gain anything in all those years of shutting people out?

Looking at how Josh was close to Billy, how he was wrapped so carefully around was something that he had experienced, physically, but not the emotional part. By just looking at the two, you could see the deep emotional bond that existed between them, even in their sleep. Why couldn’t he have seen that before? Seen that if you wanted to be loved, to be held and be a part of someone’s life you had to let yourself be open to them?

He knew the answer; he was afraid of what such attachments involved. Long and short, he was scared that he would be found wanting and that was why he had shied away from such involvements. Now he was paying the price. There were no contemporaries to which he could unburden himself; hell, to be honest, there really wasn’t anyone of any age that he could share his feelings or concerns with.

Gordon realized that he was crying. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and he hadn’t even noticed it. This was too strange for him, too much reflections, but shit, for some reason he felt reasonably happy. How could he be? He was alone in the world, he had spent a restless night tossing and turning, condemning himself for his selfishness and yet he felt relieved.

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