“I am serious William. What is it you really want to do, what is it that you dream of doing?”
“And what does that matter? Shit man, it doesn’t matter what I want… it is what I am that counts… and for me that is being some piece of meat for guys like you to drool over and paw all the time. That’s what I am good for… and that’s what I do. So all this other shit… it’s only talk man. No way I can be more than this.”
“Says who?”
“Says everyone. Come on Gordon. I can show you dozens of ways to put a condom on that’ll make you moan like crazy but no way can I tell you how to set up your stereo, why your car has a weird sound or anything else. Fuck, I know I am no brain. So why beat a dead horse? Get real Gordon…”
“Billy, you aren’t a piece of meat to me… I love you… doesn’t that count for something?”
“Sure it does Josh. But that isn’t gonna put food on the table. It isn’t gonna get us a roof over our head is it? Man, you are living in a dream world of love beats the odds… it would be nice, lots of regular guys find it but they have something going for them other than how to suck a guy off without taking his juice…”
“William, enough of that shit… you have so much to offer… you aren’t stupid. You have a brain as well as the looks, so stop this feeling sorry for yourself… shit… listen to what we are saying. I know love won’t put food on the table but at least it’ll help make the hunger more bearable. It may not put a roof over your head either but at least it gives you something that’ll help keep you warm. That has to count for something… even in your eyes… doesn’t it?”
“God, you make it all sound so easy. But for me… I am not one of those who gets those kind of breaks Gordon. Yeah, I know you are gonna say I have Josh now, but how long is that going to last?”
“Forever, if you let it Billy… forever.”
“No Gordon… not forever… sorry Josh… I know you love me… why I still don’t know. And there is nothing I’d want more than to be with you for the rest of our lives. But I am also realistic… this type of life. It is only gonna make you crazy… it’ll make you hate me… and damn it… there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I am not good for anything else, don’t you two get it? I am nothing. All I have is a nice body, a decent cock, and the knowledge of how to use it… that is me,
gaystoryman just a cock for hire. I want more… god, you don’t know how often I used to pray for more… but…” “But what? You figure cause you didn’t get more then that now you are doomed to this type of life?”
“Yeah. Something like that. Hell, I am just not worth the effort for him. Even God has some standards you know… He… fuck… I can’t explain this… all I know is, Gordon, that I can’t live the way you think I should… I am a whore… it’s all I am good for…”
Gordon stared at his two young friends. Josh was in tears, you could see them rolling down his face, even his body was trembling in fear as he stared at Billy. You could see the pain written all over his face as he struggled to try and reach the one person whom he loved. Billy sat there, unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes. His face was also tear stained, but his body told it all. He really did feel that he had no other purpose in life, that for some reason he was alone in the world, doing what he could to just exist, his dreams buried so deep that he didn’t even remember them anymore. His spirit appeared broken, but Gordon could feel it still there, all it needed was a chance.
